As you may or may not know, The Australian trip began in a somewhat fragmented manner. Chris arrived first, then Simon a day later and finally Martin and Tom one day after that. This meant that, for the first night, Chris was on his own. Those of you who know about his amazing social skills may think to yourself that this would present no problems whatsoever, but it turns out that he's not so good with people. Oh dear. He found himself the other side of the world and knowing not a soul. W ith a steely look of determination, Chris immediately sought out other loners. Almost immediately, he found success in the shape of a Canadian guy called Shane. They were united by a drunk old Australian man who wandered into the tour office they were sitting in and proceeded to be thrown out, but not before he tried to bargain with the staff by opening his bag and pulling out a bell pepper that was easily the size of a football and slurring, 'But look at what I've got!'. Impressive as this was, he was still thrown out. I digress, the point is that Chris had made a friend (The Canadian guy, not the drunk old Aussie). As night drew ever closer Chris and his comapanion met some Canadian girls and got really drunk, Chris lost everyone and started talking to an Australian girl with nice breasts. He was dragged to the local meatmarket, The Woolshed, and met her friends, got even more drunk, threw some incredible moves out on the dance floor for everryone to enjoy and ended up pulling the ample-chested girl's less hot mate. Good work, son. HOWEVER, all was not as it seemed. It turns out that no matter how much of a tit Chris made of himself over the next 3 week period, how many times he passed out whilst in bed with her instead of finishing the job or how many days he failed to respond to her texts, she still kept comiing back. No one knows why, it certainly wasn't his charm, sexual prowess or awesome sense of humour, we all know he isn't a rich man and probably not the cleverest but still she was not deterred. Maybe it was because she had both her nipples pierced, there are theories that this can turn women insane in the membrane. Although she was a bit strange and clearly a little bit mental, every time Chris found himself drunk and in her bed he had a lovely time in the morning as she would pop out and buy him Lucozade and a sausage roll; WINNER WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER!!