Please observe the following tips, strategies and techniques for seducing the fairer sex. But, and we cannot stress this enough, use caution when trying these because they are normally only practised and used by professional ladykillers such as ourselves and may result in girls going radio rental (mental) for you. After every tip we will mark the name of the Hot Luncher that invented the move. Thank you for reading.

1. When attending a Coyote Ugly performance at an Irish bar with Professional dancers on the bar, you should turn to the nearest girl and girn inanely whilst shouting the following witty comments;

'Mum, get down!'
'What's my girlfriend doing up there!'
'Men!' (This should be combined with rolling of the eyes and a smarmy grin)
'Where's the water!'

These were all from Tom Whitmore. Needless to say, this failed. She thought he was a plum.

2. Tell two dopey but likeable girls from Manchester that you two of you are professional England cricketers (Jimmy Anderson and an unspecified county level cricket player, on the brink of his England call up) in order to get sex. This was 100% successful and was tested by Martin and Simon. You must be careful with this technique as they may require further evidence when they are not smashed. Especially if they live in the room opposite. And you are clearly lying. And you have to hide from them all the time (This is made harder when Chris shouts her name all the time and Simon has to scurry around the hostel like a blue arsed fly).

3. Tell Random girls that your Grandad invented any of the following; Lego / Ribena / Parking meters. This was tried by Martin, on the whole it failed and people tended to berate Martin for every parking fine they have every recieved.

4. Tell People that your job at home is to thread the laces through trainers. Chris gave this a whirl, it failed.

5. Wander up to a girl on the dancefloor and, in a seedy voice, sleaze the following sentence at her, 'I've been watching you for over half an hour'. The genius who thought this might secure him some minky was Tom. Do you think this worked? Silly question really. He is an idiot and it failed!
 
6. Clamber into a tent full of girls whilst blind drunk, empty your satchel, repack said satchel, poke one of the girls legs for a bit, attempt to eat the back of a girl with a tattoo and then pass out on one of their stomachs.  This was Chris' favoured technique and whilst he still maintains that they bloody loved it, there is some suspicion amongst the others that it in fact made him look like a pissead pervert.

7. Tell a ridiculously hot girl who thinks that you are gay that you are straight but when examined under further questioning by said hottie, admit that you are a bit gay, but only when drunk. Well done Tom.

Thank you and good night.